Nostalgia

Just what in the world does that word mean? I heard a doctor once describe this as irritating grains of sand in our memory that get covered with layers and layers of time until they turn into pearls. It seems all the bad memories we had while participating in the events of our past have turned into great memories. I remember bailing hay for my uncles as a kid and hating it. Now, as I drive in the country and catch the fragrance of freshly cut hay being raked in the fields, I wish for one more day on a wagon throwing bails around.

But there are also so many wonderful memories. During Mardi Gras day at our offices, someone brought in rhubarb pie. One bite and the pearls of the past came back to me instantly. I could smell lilacs and taste rhubarb. I could hear the rhythmic pumping of the bailer and the creaking tires and frame of the wagon as it rolled over the uneven field. I could feel the sun burning my back and the occasional breeze cooling me. And I could see my dog Misty barking by the fence with the apple trees letting go of the ripe apples behind her.

Misty is long gone; the lilac bush was cut down years ago; and the old-fashioned bailers have been replaced with modern machines that now roll the hay into massive bails. Everything changes, but our memories are the wonderful keepsakes of those seemingly lost times of our youth.

I love to watch my children now as I think back to those cherished times of my past. I wonder what memories they will cherish. What will become pearls for them? What do they hate now that they will ultimately wish they could do just one more time in the future? Most importantly, what am I doing to ensure I help create these special memories with them? As Carly Simon sings, “These are the good old days.” What can we do as servants to help create the good old days for everyone around us right now?

Collaboration with Carson

I find it very comforting to know how collaborative human beings are. We enter this world completely alone on an individual journey and we leave completely alone on a similar individual journey. Between those two primal events, we live our lives.

During the course of our lives we are continuously affected by others. We travel along a path with specific people for the predominance of our lives, while others touch us for mere instances. The great part is that everyone creates an effect. My 4-year-old son has taught me to look at these effects differently.

Carson loves apple juice. My two older daughters loved grape juice at his age, but he’s been a fan of apple juice since he was a toddler. We are a frugal family so we buy juice in the frozen concentrate containers and make it ourselves in this really cool pitcher. The pitcher has a handle on the top of the cover that can be pulled up and pushed down in a plunger motion. The insert attached moves up and down inside the juice container creating a swirling affect and mixing the juice. It’s one of those great inventions I wish I had created.

Ever since Carson was big enough to hold the empty container, he’s wanted to make the juice himself. He pulls his stool up to the freezer door, pulls down a frozen juice container and sets it on the kitchen island to thaw. For the next 30 minutes he asks, “Is it ready yet Dad? Is it ready yet? Is it ready yet? How about now? Is it ready now?” He’s learning patience.

Once it’s ready, Carson puts the pitcher on the table and opens up the juice container. He pours the concentrate into the pitcher, and then fills the now empty juice container with water from the faucet. He dumps the water into the pitcher with the concentrate and repeats this until the pitcher is full.

“It’s done Dad; oh wait. It needs just a little more,” he states with excitement, his little eyes wide open and focused on the next bit of water trying to ensure he doesn’t spill any.

When the container is finally filled to his satisfaction, I put the top on that has the little plunger part. “Can I do it Dad?” Carson begs.

“You bet.” He pulls the plunger up and down watching the water and juice mix together with bubbles and splashes of golden light mixing as well.

I think the enjoyment of making the juice is more satisfying to him than actually drinking it. I enjoy the process and the time with him. But as he enjoys the achievement gaining responsibility and having fun, I enjoy the lesson.

As we pour the water from the juice container into the pitcher of juice, I watch the two components interact and mix. I notice that once the water from the container is poured into the pitcher, there is no way to separate the water out again. Surely, you can evaporate the water and see the remains like the old grade school science project of mixing sugar and water then letting it evaporate with a string in the mix. The string becomes caked with sugar once the water has evaporated.

What I mean is that you cannot pour the contents of the pitcher back into the juice container and get out the exact water molecules and only those molecules that you just poured into the pitcher. Once water from a cup is poured into other water, it cannot be separated. Even if you pour colored water into a clear water pitcher, you cannot extract the exact colored water again. You can see the separate colors but you cannot dip the cup back in and pull out only the colored water. It mixes instantaneously and cannot be extracted. That’s what collaboration and networking are about.

Throughout our lives we ‘mix’ with many people. We do this intentionally at times and seemingly by accident at other times. We never really know what that other person has to teach us, but whatever it is, we find that we are never the same again. We cannot be. Just like the water cannot be separated, we cannot pull out the lesson or the memory of that instance. We can avoid it, try to forget it, but our subconscious, powerful minds will store that and keep it with us. We cannot reach in and pull the memory out like we can delete the page from our computers. Learning to leverage the collaboration process is one mark of successful people.

As we mix with others, we can add too much of ourselves and try to dominate them. We can add too little and not provide the benefit they need and we have in abundance. We can mix the wrong way – too violently or too passively – causing the messages to be missed. Then there are the wonderful moments when we mix exquisitely with another and teach both an incredible lesson. I have been fortunate to mix just that way recently with many new teachers.

Every time I make juice or just pour a glass of water, I will think about all the people I will meet today who will become a part of my life. I will think about how I will become a part of their lives. And I’ll think about how I will win the lottery with how we will mix.

Savannah who?

Once a year in the summer, my wife’s sister takes her 3 children on a 15-hour drive from Arkansas to Green Bay, Wisconsin to visit us. The family stays for about 2 weeks sharing time and fun with all of our kids. The event allows all 13 cousins to spend some quality time playing, camping, water skiing and generally getting reacquainted. For the adults, it’s a 2-week family reunion that provides a break from the Johnson’s absence before their whole family (including their dad) travel back for the Christmas holiday. This summer’s trip was no exception.

With all the fun and activities going on, I was provided some neat insight from one of the seemingly forgettable events. It happened during a routine phone conversation with my sister-in-law; a call that normally would be quickly dismissed as a humorous error.

While the four sisters in my wife’s family were making plans for the events we would all participate in, I was home getting my twin boys to sleep. A phone call interrupted the boys’ bottle time. I answered with the usual hello followed by, “I am great. How are you?” By the sound of her voice, I could tell the caller was my wife’s twin sister Kelly.

She quickly got to the point of the call stating, “We are planning for the week and want to know what Savannah’s schedule is.”

It was a seemingly simple and earnest question; however, neither of my daughters’ names are Savannah. Kelly had mistakenly called my house when she intended to call her other sister Brenda, who happens to be the mother of Savannah. Not a big deal. We had a quick laugh and ended the call. What continued to intrigue me for several days was the pattern of thought that my mind went through in an instant of hesitation after Kelly posted the question.

I first examined the name Savannah to determine if I had heard her correctly. Next I reviewed the voice to determine if I had mistaken Kelly for my wife Tracy. Finally, I reviewed why she might be asking me about Savannah before clarifying with her what she asked. That seems pretty normal and simple. Now review the details of what my mind went through all in the split-second hesitation between the acts of hearing “Savannah” and responding verbally to Kelly.

My mind raced through all the names of my children – Lauren, Megan, Carson, Aiden, Owen – and my wife’s name, Tracy. This was to determine if any of those names rhymed with Savannah. If they rhymed, maybe I misheard her. None of those names rhymed with or resembled Savannah, so I didn’t misinterpret the name.

Then I recalled other names stretching beyond my immediate family thinking that Kelly might know the group I generally meet with – Kevin, Rob, Emily, Carl, Natalie, but none of those names resembled Savannah either. Satisfied that I had confirmed I heard Kelly correctly, my focus switched to who was asking the question.

I replayed the recording of the question in my mind to verify whether this was Kelly asking or my wife, Tracy. (Why that was important, I don’t know. Some other part of my mind was in control.) It took about 2 reviews before I determined it was indeed Kelly.

I then looked for logical reasons as to why she would be asking me about someone else’s daughter. “Did she think I had talked with Brenda or James? Did she think my wife was home and I would turn and ask her the question? Did we talk about this earlier at her mother’s house?” No was the conclusion to each of the questions.

Satisfied that I had no logical reason for being asked this question, I asked, “Who?” And when Kelly repeated the name Savannah, I said who I was and Kelly realized her mistake. We had our quick laugh.

The insight I got was on how quickly our minds’ relational database zips through all possible scenarios trying to make reason of a situation; even one that is a clear mistake. It likely takes 10-12 seconds to read through all the possibilities, but our brains on auto-pilot will conclude the task almost instantaneously. The more amazing part is that it seems to happen in an involuntary way. I didn’t stop and ask myself all those questions as though I was in an interview. Some part of my brain just reacted – like one of those on-line search engines that just miraculously pops the correct result. It reinforced to me the incredible power our brains possess.

The question for me now is how can I better condition and use that power to continue helping others in a greater and greater manner?

Just Like Dad

This year’s 4th of July celebration for my family was incredible. Not only were we able to spend quality time with relatives, I was able to learn a great lesson from a 4-year-old boy who just happens to be my son.

We spend several weekends during the summer at my Mother-in-law’s cabin in the woods. Most weekends spent there are relaxing and fulfilling. This weekend was no different. We spent time working on the grounds and finishing a deck. We also spent a good amount of time relaxing on the deck and playing in the water. By the time Saturday night came around, all the kids were ready for fireworks. We had a good set of fireworks that surprised even the adults with some of the spectacular explosions. There were sparkling fountains, loud popping balls, colored smoke bombs, and rocket launches that burst into fiery colors in packs of 100. For a backyard show, it was pretty good.

As we finished our set, the neighbor across the street started his. We were somewhat humbled. His fireworks were like rockets shooting in the sky in this direction, then that direction ending with a big explosion of colors against the black sky. It was great to watch and I felt like I was back in town at an organized show. I took time to relax on Papa’s Deck and watch. I folded my hands behind my head, laid back on the deck and watched the color and sound show. Within in a few seconds, I felt a nudge on my side. I looked over and saw my son Carson laying next to me with his hands folded behind his head. He smiled at me and said, “Look Dad, I’m just like you.” Four simple words, “I’m just like you”, that brought back a sense of purpose to me. I felt a sense of pride and warmth as I thought about how my son wants to be like me. Isn’t that exactly what every dad wants? I picked him up, set him on my lap and watched more of the show with him. He watched the show, but I contemplated his words.

As much pride as I had, I also had anxiety. I started to think about my life and asked myself if I was living a life worthy of my son wanting to follow in my footsteps. Sure, he does now as a 4-year-old who just wants dad to play ball with him, take him golfing, get him snacks and hold him when he’s scared at night. When I set up the 10-foot pool in the backyard, I'm his hero. What happens as he grows and understands more about the world? Will he admire me when he’s 10 or 16? Will he still want to follow in dad’s footsteps? Better yet, will he still respect me and call me his hero, but know that I have taught him to follow his own path?

The questions for me became much clearer the longer I thought. The questions really are what do I have to continue to do and what do I need to change in order for my son and all my children to want to be “just like Dad?” I realized that a purposeful life is not just about fulfilling my dreams. It’s about helping those around me fulfill their dreams too. When I have a tough decision to make or wonder whether the current path is the correct one to follow, I can just ask whether my children will want to follow that path with me.

Let me know what your dreams are and let’s work together to fulfill them.

Gravitational Pull

I am fortunate to be part of a group called Rise Above. We conduct seminars for unemployed community members helping them find hope along with building their practical skills around networking, resume writing, interviewing and financial management. The concept is to first create a positive outlook, and then use that to take effective actions toward obtaining the next opportunity/job/career.

At a recent planning meeting for the group, we sat back and took a look at what we are trying to accomplish – an introspection. We asked ourselves what each of us was getting from this group; what was in it for us. There were common benefits mentioned like building skills, increasing our network, helping others, creating a legacy among others. One that was mentioned by our financial expert struck me. She said she liked the way people in the community are being attracted to us seemingly because of the good we are trying to produce. For some reason, the description gravitational pull came to me and I had to write it down.

My understanding of Isaac Newton’s principles is that gravity is caused by a combination of mass and movement. Specifically, any mass that spins will create a boundary of force drawing other masses to it. In the case of Earth, its mass and movement create a force equal to 9.8 meters per second. I’m not sure Mr. Newton would agree with my definition of pulling people to us, but I hope he would appreciate it.

Newton might have all the physical aspects correct, but I believe he is missing the human behavioral elements. We as citizens of the world can create our own gravity or attractive force by taking positive action. I don’t know that I can measure the strength of the force we generate, but it seems reasonable to me that the greater the good, the more powerful the attractive force.

Our Rise Above team set a mission to positively affect 100,000 people. Since our start we have attracted to us business owners, CEOs, community leaders, university deans, public speakers, authors, health professionals, networking and marketing gurus and more from all types of industries. From them we have been inspired and educated. We have grown professionally and personally from understanding more about all aspects of the people who make up our community. Each has a great story and we love hearing the stories.

When we set that mission, we knew what it meant to affect 100,000 people. I don’t think any of us imagined the positive affect we would have on ourselves or that we ourselves would be included in that 100,000. Gravity has a new meaning for me and that meaning helps me win the lottery.

I Believe In You

I am blessed in many ways in my life. I have a loving and healthy family; friends and colleagues who constantly expand my knowledge and challenge me; a home that provides just enough space to be together and to get away; a cottage up-north that my mother-in-law allows us to share; extended family members who are always willing to help out; a career that allows me to meet so many bright and engaging people. I’ve known about all of these for some time. What I didn’t know until recently was that I was also blessed in one of the greatest ways possible.

Earlier in the year as my customer engagement was ending and the start of a search for the next customer was starting, I talked to my wife about writing books. I had been talking about writing books and building a public speaking career for some time – likely since high school – but never really put full effort toward it. I had actually started several different books, but never finished them.

On this day, I mentioned to my wife again how this year I would finish 2 books and begin speaking about them. I told her how excited I was for that to happen in addition to my consulting career. As I talked about this, Tracy nodded her head and when I was finished, she said, “I know.”

It was a pretty simple gesture with few words, but it had immense impact. I paused a few seconds absorbing her words. I then told her how most people hearing my dreams and aspirations would roll their eyes and think, ‘Here he goes again.’ “But you,” I said, “actually believe in me.”

She replied, “I know that if you say it’s going to happen and really believe it will, it will.”

Since that day, I have completed the final version of my initial book, have been able to set up several speaking engagements to create pre-orders for my book and am within a few weeks of completing my second book. Certainly these were goals of mine before the conversation with my wife, but as we all know, setting goals and achieving them are 2 different things. The power of having one person believe in you gets you from setting to achieving.

Don’t underestimate the power you have to propel others. During these economic times, those struggling need us to continue believing in them and we need to continue believing in ourselves to overcome and create the next great economy.

Seeing the New Economy in My Little Girl

I had the pleasure of watching my niece and my daughter complete their First Communion ceremonies this past weekend. The event is an important spiritual day in our family and faith traditions. Because of the importance it was both inspiring and comforting to watch the two girls display their maturity, confidence and control in following the programs.

A true sense of pride filled me as I watched my little girl walk with her hands held together in prayer around the church in the entrance processional. Another sense of joy along with a pang of separation filled me as I further watched her intently listen to the full mass; her eyes widening as Father Jack spoke directly to the communicants during his Homily.

The pang came from realizing again that my little girl won’t be my little girl much longer. Even though we continually tell her how she will always be our little girl, we know that we can’t stop her growing for one second. And that bittersweet want and ‘unwant’ of her moving down her own life path will only intensify. I thought about this as I watched her in her white dress and veil looking like a miniature bride. And then another sense came over me; a sense of wonder.

As I watched her and the rest of her class line up to take their first communion, I was struck with the realization that all of these young children are growing up. Not only are they growing up, but they represent the future participants of our economy. In fact, they are our future economy.

I watched their actions now more intently noticing the precision of their moves. I noticed how organized they were. I noticed how respectful they were. I noticed how well they followed instructions and moved in sequence to what was obviously a rehearsed ceremony. And when any one of them was confused, they looked immediately to their elder instructor for advice and guidance. Then it really hit me. They will be looking for us for advice and guidance as they build their economy.

If you are wondering what the future economy holds, watch these young children. Admire and praise them when they accomplish even these seemingly simple feats. To them it’s not simple. Then look into yourself and know that we owe it to them to build the world economy back on a solid foundation. When they look to us for advice and guidance, they should see the results not just hear the words. We can create lottery winnings for each of them through leadership by example with this economic recovery. It’s not just about us; it’s also about them.